Previous slide
Next slide
treasure map with a diamond and the treasure of relating

The Third Jewel: The Treasure of Relating


Okay, you’ve just read about the two treasures of Being and Doing, right?


If not, you may wish to read about those treasures before going forward.


Please click on the highlighted text to read about:


Now, it’s the third treasure, the treasure of relating. Can you guess what that is?


If you guessed that the treasure of relating is about how your loved one relates to the people in her life, you are correct! 


Almost all women are fantastic relaters. 


Their relationships are vital to their lives. 


The people in her life and how important they are to her make up the third treasure.


So let’s look at this third Treasure of Relating. 


Please look at the image, The Treasure of Relating. 


Surrounding the jewel are the categories of significant people in her life.


 The gift of people forms the facets of how she interacts with others. 


When breast cancer strikes, she may worry about how she will still connect with the people she cares about. 


You help her recall the special times that she touched the lives of these people. By writing treasuring notes to her and doing other acts of service, she knows she still is connected to you.


Let’s quickly revisit the polishing process of relationships right now.


There are three steps to revealing the treasure of relating, all of which involve the first two directions of the L.O.V.E. compass: Listen and Observe. 


When you listen to your loved one talk about her loved ones, you will hear her share her moments of love. 


When you observe her life, you will see that treasure of relating through the people she honors and is important to her. Here are the three steps:


Step One: Identify the specific treasure.

Step Two: Write down examples of seeing that treasure shine.

Step Three: Share the shining.


Step One: Identify the specific treasure of relating

Let’s define and give examples of the facets of the treasure of relating.


Who are the most important people to your loved one? 


Take a piece of paper and write down the names of the people in the different categories.


Parents are Mom and Dad. The name of her spouse, partner, or significant other. Her children’s names. Names of relatives and close friends. 


Write down the name that she uses when she relates to them.


Step Two: Write down examples of seeing that treasure shine

Next, transfer the list of people in her life to the second sheet of paper. Leave three blank lines after each name. 


For each of these, write down three times events or situations where you heard or saw her interact with that person in a way that displayed her gift of being or gift of doing. 


For example, your loved one may have baked a fabulous pie for her sister’s birthday. She may have hugged her mother when she had a trying moment. She may have softly calmed her heartbroken daughter after a bad prom date. 


Write those items down. 


Go through the list and document a moment where you shared this special gift with your loved one. 


Step Three: Share the Shining

Yes, now is the time. We’re going to discuss why and how to share the shining! 


Sharing the Shining of Polishing: Value and Express

When you discovered and identified each of the three treasures, you used the Love Compass’s first two directions – listening and observing. 


Now it is time to do the actual polishing, which involves valuing the treasures in your loved one’s life and expressing the polishing by sharing the shining. 


So how does Valuing help the polishing process? 


Let’s revisit the Valuing direction of the Love Compass from that page on this website.


The four core elements of valuing are: Recognize, Acknowledge, Reflect, and Experience.


The acronym for those words is R.A.R.E. 


Someone valuable is RARE.


To experience that value, you have to go through the RARE process.


When you use the four RARE elements, you will feel more able to share the shining of the three priceless treasures of your loved one: her being, her doing, and her relating. 


She is one of a kind. Her life is valuable because she is full of value.


Recognizing is coming to know or understand how important her personality, abilities, and relationships are. 


When she forgets about these treasures, you want to remind her about them. 


That’s why you were taking notes about real-life examples. 


When times get bad for her, you can help her remember by sharing the shining that you wrote down.


Acknowledging her situation helps you realize that she may not see her three treasures at this time in her life. 


So you realize that you can remind her gently and lovingly. 


Her very presence makes a difference in being alive.


Reflecting is using compassion to think of her inner beauty, no matter what condition she may be experiencing. 


A diamond sparkles because it reflects the light inside itself. 


When you reflect upon your loved one’s inner light and beauty, she sparkles in her own life. 


All of the gifts you wrote down are the shining you are going to share with her.


Experiencing is putting on her shoes and walking in them. You develop more profound compassion for what she is going through. 


You decide to help her along the way like the genie did when assisting the woman in opening the third chest (click here to read the story of her inner beauty again.)


The final letter of the Love Compass is E for Express.


Expressing is taking all of the information you have from “seeing her treasure shine” and then showing it to her.


You are polishing the strength of the heart she needs to make it through the breast cancer journey. 


You are her genie and faithful companion. 


Your words and actions give her the strength she needs to cope and hope.


Your loved one may have golden locks or red, brown, black, grey, or white ones. Or no locks at all. 


The color doesn’t matter.


What matters are the three jewels she carries in her apron. 


When she leaves the hut and walks back into the forest to return home, she is rich beyond her wildest dreams. 


You helped her open the third chest with just the right amount of light. That is your treasure to her.


Now that you are ready to express your love and words of affirmation, please go on to the Nine Treasuring Messages.


You will learn about Writing Treasuring Notes to share your admiration, encouragement, and appreciation to her.


Click on the highlighted text to go to the next section, The Nine Treasuring Messages.